x3AlreadyGone on Xanga

Monday, 23 November 2009

HELLO WINTER.

God my updating pure sucked didnt it?
So yeah i think i need to make it up to yaz,
extra long post maybe?
depends how good we get!

i Remember when the days were long, and the nights were even longer. how we moved from the house, to the gardens, the grass was our carpet. water fights, and childish fights, my summer days with you.

i just want to forget about what's real, and sit here and hate you. like really hate you. just want to be able to deal with what you've done to me and no longer hurt, no longer feel angry. i just want to banish you to a far distant place that i'll forget, for you to disappear for good. i wan't to be able to switch myself off, whenever i know you're going to hurt me. and i want to be able to say i hate you without my heart screaming that i love you.

and the second, the very second you tell me that i can finally be everything to you, i'll be there, and i will be there in a heartbeat. but until you can tell me that, and can really truelly mean it, i won't be there, i never will.

and sweetie, i know that you loved him, and i know that it hurts, but if he loved you too, he wouldn't of walked away from you, not the first time, not the second time, not even the hundreth time, he'd of never left.

i've finally realised that, where-ever it is that i keep trying to run away to,
it's never far enough when it comes down to you.

doesn't it feel so awkward, so wrong, seeing him holding her,
and pretending you didn't.

she's strong, but she can't take that, not ever.

i'm pretending that what's there, is lost. and i'll carry on like before, but this time, unlike before,
you're on my mind every minute.

she's my otherhalf. we may not share the same timetable, but we share much more than that. she might sing new rock and i might hum club classics. but she has my interest. i get over her moody strops, she gets over my bitchy side. that's a bestfriend. and we might not be with eachother twenty four seven, but if we could, then we would.

she's a single girl, does she know nothing about love? no. she's wise.
she knows it's better to be alone than to be with someone that's wrong.

how can something that hurt so much of been worth it?

he liked you, enough to fuck you.
he loved me, enough to not fuck me over.

blast the music, and dance your heart out. dance until you lose yourself completely,
or atleast until you find yourself again.

it's not death that i'm afraid of. i'm afraid that when my life is up, i haven't completed what i wanted to do. i didn't meet the one i couldn't go a minute without, i didn't find the place where i fit perfectly. i'm afraid of the things that i might miss out on.

and it's the ultimate test, the moment you's meet again after. and i'll look at you, and you'll look at me, but this time will be different, because i'll look away, and i won't look around again. and that's how we'll both know it's finished. because i'll of got over you.

our hearts read the beauty that our eyes never see.

i know that i love you, but i also know that i want to stop.

i feel exhausted, not in a literal run a marathon exhaustion, but the fact that i'm trying, i'm trying to make this work, because i know that this'll be worth it, but you don't care, you don't try.

and if i'm here living, then i'll be waiting for you.
and if you need me, then i'll be there.

and id do anything, i guess that means i love you.

Currently: Whatcha Say (CD Maxi)
- whatcha say

Saturday, 07 November 2009

You can see my heart beating.

Omg. i've not updated in ages.
That really does suck for me, but i guess lately, its been really mental. my mum flipped at me, my stepdad practically hates me, my brother is just.. well my brother, and his gf who was my bestmate has evaporated my trust for her. i dont think i could sink any lower in the emotional feelings at the moment. seriously, me + car (hit) = good idea atm. but thats not gonna solve anything :/ if any of these quotes are depressing, im sorry but the moods not 'cupcake baking' atm :/ the only good thing about this week is my resolution to only straighten my hair ONCE a week :/ hmmm i NEED long hair again. damn.

Favessssssssss?

and unlike you, i've taken to walking slow, rather than walking back.

i needed to burn, to set on fire. you were the closest thing to mind, you were always on my mind.
no flame to burn, i needed fire. i stole the spark from your eyes,
and made sure you watched me burn.

sooner or later you're going to fall in love.
then before you know it, you're left heartbroken,
and you're never going to love again.
but sweetie, the sky is still blue, the sun is still shining,
and the world just keeps spinning
round and round and round.

what's the sweet excuse now?
you removed your clothes,
for him to 'look' at your heart?

have you ever suffered being broken?
ever thought you just couldn't manage one more day, because it hurts too much?
i have, it's horrible.
it's like your hearts been ripped from your sleeve,
thrown into the rubbish pile &nd your there, head first in the bin,
searching through all the broken mess, &nd never really succeeding.

don't build walls, they'll never take the hit.

i hope that when your hurting, it's hurting you half as much as it's killing me.

i'll promise you forever &nd i'll never make you a promise i wont keep.

so incase you were wondering, or even caring, my favourite colours blue.

if it wasn't for my bestfriend, well, where would i be?
when i'm hurting, standing on the edge of the cliff,
wondering how much it's gonna hurt, if it'll hurt less than now,
it sure as hell isn't no boy stopping me from trying,
it's no boy that ever cares.

it's sad but it's true, i finally dont need you.

if i could make myself forgive you, i would.
you'd be mine again in a heartbeat.
i won't forget, i can't forget.
you didn't care then, and i sure don't care now.
you loved me? no you loved the game. &nd im done playing.

your far away, but not far enough for me too miss you.
no matter how much i like you close,
i feel so much better when your gone.

i'm not that naive little girl anymore. that girl learnt better.
i learnt that no matter how much people 'love' you,
they still end up hurting you the same.
that it's every man for themselves.
nothing lasts forever, and love sure as hell dont.
promises, rules, hearts, are all left broken.
&nd no matter whos there in the middle,
there's only you at the end.

forget the good, remember the bad, learn from it, & walk on stronger.

you mean everything to me &nd i mean nothing to you.

i regret every single moment i told you i loved you,
because you used ever single one of those moments to break me.

it's never the same the second time around.. belive me, i know.

if it makes it hurt any less, we can talk again.
&nd you can scream at me how horrible
that i already know that i am.

im sorry, sorry that i said id wait for you.
because i dont want to feel anymore alone anymore.

dont let go of the memories, dont even let go of the feelings, just let go of him.

a friend is not a friend, it's a lifeline.

it's not a mistake if he does it again sweetie.

hurt me physically but never hurt me emotionally.
i can heal a physical wound,
i can't bandage a broken heart.

if i thought i had the strength to walk away, believe me id go.

the softest, prettiest faces smile through the tears.
but sometimes the strongest of hearts, lose way in their fears.

being dumped is not the problem, being alone isn't even the problem
the problem is all those long wasted nights that you just love to remember,
are all those moments they long to forget.

in life, to me, there are only two things worth living for.
the colour of your eyes, and how they match the sky so blue,
and how you take my breath away
everytime that i kiss you.

the world is obsessed with who we arent.
we are all so busy trying to make ourselves acceptable,
acceptable for people who don't matter.
the skinny girls, with their fingers down their throats,
the clever girls, with their noses in their books,
there's no inbetween.
we're taught that prettys acceptable,
and uglys outrageous.
but they're wrong.
you are beautiful, absoloutely beautiful,
whether its your face, your body,
or your amazing personality.
they cant take that away from you.
'pretty' is only skin deep.

all i ever wanted was to love you,
love you like you really deserve,
but i guess i want never gets.

&nd there was just this one long, never ending night.
where the tears rolled down my face constantly,
&nd soaked my pillow wet. &nd i felt on the edge of death,
existing but not really living,
until i rememberd you smile, your beautiful, breathtaking, sensational smile.
&nd just like that, you were my angel in the night.

forget what he told you,
forget what they said,
forget what your heart feels,
&nd listen to your head.

i loved you, like you loved yourself.

people are never going to change,
they are just going to discover
new ways of lying to you.

&nd if it's a chance to be with you,
pick any place, any time, any moment,
&nd ill be there waiting, i promise.

i was hurt because of you.
i was upset at you
&nd disappointed in you,
but hate never crossed my mind.

we don't have uncountable memories,
&nd we don't waste our time together,
&nd we don't finish eachothers sentances,
but that's okayy, because you make me happy,
&nd that's enough for now.

the worst thing in life is not death itself,
it's dying on the inside &nd still existing.

i know we dont talk anymore,
but i just want to know if you remember?
because ill never forget.

hope you enjoy it.
all my quotes. <3

Currently: Rated R
- russian roulette

Friday, 23 October 2009

SILLY BOY.
hmm, i hate writing letters.
i seem to write essays instead of letters,
im sorry auntie claire, it's going to be a long one!
hmm anything interesting in your life?

&nd i purposely close my eyes, because your face is the only one i see.

i remember falling asleep in your arms as you ran your fingers thruu my hair. i remember the words we would say, that noone else would understand. i remember our song that makes my heart skip a beat eerytime i hear it. i remember thinking that me &nd you is what i want forever.

all i do is hide, i dont want to be lost nor found.

it's when you say the things you do &nd pull those faces that make me think "man, we shouldn't be this comfortable around eachother", &nd then i smile.

it was like i was fighting so hard, just to lose you.

i wanted to fall for you agai, i wanted to fall harder than i'd ever fallen before. because this time i knew that you would catch me, but sometimes, your heart doesn't want to listen to your head.

one small step away for you, one hundred big steps away from me.

love is like your own choice of suicide on the inside. you choose the person ou need to love, knowing they are so unbelievably wrong for you, &nd in the end, they only end killing you inside.

because really, if you can't love the person i am now, then you can't of loved the person i once was.

&nd if there's anything to be sure about, be sure about us, be sure about me. because i will never leave you. never. after everything, the worst makes us stronger. you are my life, my soul, my everything. trust in me, love me, &nd i will never desert you. be sure of that.

&nd that's when you realise you're made about him. when every single imperfectio of his, makes ou think he is truelly beautiful. when every annoying trait of his, is the things you adore about him. when every little thing he says &nd does, makes you want to never ever part with him.

We're in the middle of a recession,
so peace would be a cheaper option than war,
agree?
COMMENT. SUBSCRIBE. FAVES?
ALL MINE.

Currently: I Am...Sasha Fierce
- smash into you
im willing too run..

ARHHHHH!
basically, my ex boyfriend, who i'd still die for
(after eleven months of breaking up &nd not seeing eachother)
is staying at mine tomoro (like he use to do when we were off out)
it'll be the second time we've met since we broke up,
&nd im like... terrified? mmm.. best get the hoover out hahaha. Enjoyyy (L)

yeah you've hurt me but so has everybody else, but the difference between the pain you cause &nd the pain they cause, well.. you're worth every inch of it.

just because she doesn't speak his name, or let it roll off her lips, doesn't mean it's not tattoo'd across her heart. just because she doesn't mention him anymore, doesn't mean he's not the only thought that's crossed her mind all day, every day. &nd just because there's that other boy, doesn't mean he'd ever be replaced.

promise me that you won't beak your promise.

the saddest thing is, i could be madly in love with the most perfect of person, with them madly in love with me too, but if you needed me, or wanted me, i'd be there in a heartbeat.

you're the only star in my galaxy.

wow, you're hot. but who said it's a hot guy we're after? we want the guy who's worth every single breath of ours. we want the guy who would lay with us &nd watch the sky fall down around us. we want the guy who would scream he loves us from the rooftops. we want the guy that really, truelly, deeply loves us. we want more than just a pretty face, sweetie.

&nd when you finally make it to the end, it's the beginning that matters.

have you ever stumbled across something, that in your soul, you know you needed to know? but at the same time you knew in your heart, it would tear your whole world apart..

whisper to me, how long i cried.
whisper to me, how much it hurt.
whisper to me, why you broke my heart.
whisper to me, how i'm feeling.
but youu can't whisper to me, because you don't know,
because you walked away from me, oh so fast.

super glue fixes everything right? so why am i still broken?

i didn't want to fall, ever. i simply refused to. if the floor was in touching distance, i ran, &nd man did i run fast. but with you, it's like i want to fall deep down, i want to sit down on the floor, wrap myself around you &nd never let you go, ever.

you whisper "i love you" yet you shout "i hate you"..

i know you love me still. it's the way you look at me, there's fear in your eyes. fear that you'll miss a single moment, when you've already missed so many.

&nd sometimes, memories are meant to be forgotten.

we became strangers. strangers with a lovestruck history. &nd that's the thing about losing someone, you always think they're going to be a stranger, but when really, when you meet them, it's like they've never left.

i'm not a soldier, i can't fight this battle.

you say that me, i, am your world. so what happened? did you find another planet to survive on? because as far as i remember, you let your world go..

with a lost look in your eyes, you told me "i'm sorry". i laughed, what would a measley, empty, sorry resolve? was sorry going to make it hurt any less? was sorry going to make me forget? was sorry going to be around when everyone else left? keep your sorrys. they don't mean anything anymore.

i love you, still. but this time around, i'll never say it.

i don't want someone who's going to smother me in effection. someone who takes everything to heart, &nd refuses to let me go. i want someone who will get me so annoyed i want to injure them, takes &nd gives me insults, &nd pushes me away when we fight. i want love, that's frusting, hard, &nd real.

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Currently
Turn It Up
By Pixie Lott
use somebody
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Forever.